the art of shipping
by alice hattercandy
Summary: In which, everyone ships. Even Ichigo.


**title. **the art of shipping**  
summary.** in which, everyone ships. Even Ichigo.**  
for. **The Special Snowflake Club. *bats eyelashes*  
**note. **got this idea from a FLOL thread where it was discussed how shippable Orihime is! can't remember where, though, but yeah, sometimes, browsing through FLOL threads can spark an idea! :D**  
disclaimer.** duh-uh, applied. **  
warning.** rated C for craaaaack! :D :D i mean no offense to anyone. please remember this is only for crack purposes. :D

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* * *

"Well, you know who would make a good pair? Orihime and Renji." Rukia says without looking up, chewing on a Pocky stick. Obliviously, Orihime continues to sip her juice with one hand, while Renji spits out his sandwich. Ichigo twitches, raising a hand to wipe the offending pieces of bread off his face.

"The fuck, Renji!" the substitute growls menacingly. Chad kindly offers a napkin.

The shinigami, however, ignores him, hollering a loud "Rukia!" with a blush.

It is a normal day for not-so-normal circle of friends. It is lunch time and as a routine, they gather at the rooftop. Kiego, Mizuiro and Tatsuki are present as well. Even Shinji was there, who drops by to say hi to his First Love. The conversation starts with usual bickering from Renji and Rukia. Later, Ichigo joins in, along with Uryuu and Shinji.

"What?" the small shinigami smirks knowingly, amused at Renji's concerned expression. "You think Orihime is _hot_."

Shinji is leering while Kiego's jaw drops. "You think _what?_" He wails in despair.

Tatsuki raises a brow and nudges Orihime beside her. Curiously, the auburn-haired girl looks up from her jell-o sandwich, blinking. "Eh?" She smiles, "is there something wrong, Tatsuki-chan?" Tatsuki shakes her head, but smirks at Ichigo, sitting on Orihime's other side, who looks at Renji, still rubbing his face with a napkin in one hand, his other hand somewhere between his thigh and Orihime's.

Still red, Renji splutters. "I never said anything about Inoue being…hot."

"You're saying she's ugly?" says Shinji.

Orihime blinks.

"No! She's very attractive –"

"YOU STAY AWAY FROM OUR GODDESS AND –"

"Kiego, shut up_._" Ichigo snaps. "And sit down." Kiego sobs once before obeying.

"Why me?!" _I don't want to die yet!_ The redhead shinigami whines mentally. "Look… I think… Orihime and Ishida would be a better pair, what do you think?"

Kiego wails again, while Mizuiro laughs. Tatsuki raises a brow but offers no comment.

Ishida's lip curls. "Abarai-kun." He begins warningly, while Orihime squeaks in embarrassment, turning her face towards Ichigo's shoulder to hide her blush.

Rukia looks unconvinced, a brow arching.

"Why! It fits, doesn't it?" Renji argues loudly, looking around as he holds up his fingers. "Both of you are humans. Both of you are smart enough to be in top ten of your class and both of you belong to the same club. It makes sense!"

"…nice one, Renji." Rukia says. Renji smirks smugly.

"Actually…" Uryuu begins solemnly, his eyeglasses glinting, unperturbed. "I kind of support Inoue-san with Ulquiorra."

This claim attracts a violent reaction.

"WHAT?!" Ichigo shouts, stiffening. He wants to jump to his feet and kick Uryuu but he can't. "Are you nuts, Ishida!? Did you happen to forget who that bastard was and what he did to her!?" Beside Ichigo, Orihime starts, looking at Ichigo with wide eyes.

Uryuu shoots him a cold stare. "It is just a possibility."

Ichigo gawks. "Possibility? Do you have any idea what _possibility _means, you nerd?"

"Kurosaki-kun, that's not nice." Orihime chastises gently, still blushing at the attention. Ichigo looks at her and grunts, murmuring something under his breath. "And um," she looks around at her friends with a nervous smile. "I… I… why don't we talk about Laugh Hour? Ne, Tatsuki-chan, did you see last night's –"

"You're right, Ishida." Rukia interrupts, looking thoughtful as she rubs her chin in contemplation.

Renji raises a brow at her. "…huh?"

Suddenly, Rukia's large violet eyes sparkle. "What a superb shoujo plot, isn't it?" she gestures at Orihime, who flushes, with her palm, "Innocent, cheerful, pretty girl and," she points upwards, "A dark-haired, emotionless, emo-kid! A love story doomed to be tragic! It fits and –"

"It's cliché." Ichigo says dryly, glaring. Rukia throws him a curt look. He sneers as a reply. "He's dead, for fuck's sake. Stop making fun of the guy."

"But it's sooooo romantic!"

Ichigo rolls his eyes, angling his head to look at his shoulder, staring at the lock of auburn hair clinging on his uniform.

"Well, I think Orihime would look good with Sado." Tatsuki says nonchalantly.

Kiego wails again, saying something about True Love Not Prevailing. Orihime chokes on her red bean paste sandwich. With a sigh, Ichigo offers her his orange juice which Orihime gratefully accepts.

"The Tiger and the Princess, see?" Tatsuki laughs at her best friend's mini-fit.

"Why is everyone picking on me?" the healer coughs as she recovers.

"Because you're so pretty," Rukia says with a shrug. "And I must say, two thumb's up with your suggestion! I always notice that whenever Ichigo isn't around," the noble nods at Orihime and Sado, "you two are always together. Sado would always stand behind Orihime, like a bodyguard. And you always share this knowing look with each other and Sado follows Orihime around. Remember the first time Yammi and Ulquiorra appeared?"

Sado remains quiet.

"And when Urahara told Inoue that she can't fight in the Winter War, Sado got really angry! He even wanted to comfort her afterwards!" Renji adds gleefully. Orihime tries to scoot backwards but Ichigo pushes her forward with his shoulder.

"Inoue is a very good friend of mine. She is very important to someone important to me. I shall look after her wellbeing even if it costs my life."

Eyebrows rise at this uncharacteristically long statement.

"Oh well!" Kiego says happily, breaking the silence. "I think, the most appropriate pairing would be Kiego," he makes an X gesture with his arms, "and Ino—" Mizuiro, using his cell phone, promptly drops his foot on top of Kiego's head.

Everyone nods at Mizuiro gratefully.

"Please, stop making fun of me." Orihime pleads, blushing furiously, one hand on her warm cheek.

"We're not making fun of you." Rukia says with a wave of her dainty hand. "Besides, you fit with almost everyone." She wiggles her eyebrows at her. "Even with Grimmjow."

Orihime's eyes widen as she flushes brightly, her ears bright red as her chin drops to her chin. She starts to lift her knees to hide her face on but Ichigo nudges her with a growl.

"Oi, drop your legs."

"But…"

"Kiego's looking at your legs."

She pouts and obeys.

"That bloodthirsty psychopath?" asks Shinji with an arched brow.

"Yeah. I heard from Orihime that he rescued her from two Arrancars. A bad boy falling for a princess!" Rukia sparkles _again_, reliving a shoujo dream. Renji, Ichigo and Shinji cringe. "I've always like a story wherein a bad boy falls in love with a gentle girl. He's an ass on the outside but in truth, he is soft and cuddly inside! But only towards this _particular _gentle pretty girl," she is pointing at Orihime while she states this, "and they live happily ever after!"

"No, they didn't." Ichigo deadpans. Rukia frowns darkly at him.

"I think Inoue fits with Hirako-san." Mizuiro states matter-of-factly. At this, Shinji grins.

"I don't like Orihime-chan."

They look at him in disbelief, except Orihime.

Shinji smiles slyly at the healer. "Orihime-chan is my first love." He beams, glowing positively. A permanent tinge of red seems to attach itself on Orihime's cheeks. Shinji is halfway to a wink when Ichigo sends him a sour, pointed look. The blonde Vizard rolls his eyes and ogles at the auburn-haired girl, ignoring the orange-haired hybrid. He only stops when Tatsuki throws a chopstick at him, hitting him on the forehead.

"But you know what…" Shinji starts, rubbing his forehead. The girl has very good aim. "I find Aizen and Orihime-chan together a very thrilling and sexy –" Tatsuki gives him a dropkick, forbidding him to continue.

"Don't put Orihime and the word 'sexy' in the same sentence, you bastard!" the martial artist yells, her canines flashing.

While everyone cheers Tatsuki as she beats the heck out of Shinji, they all fail to realize that Orihime has been eating her sandwiches with one hand all throughout the meal.

And that Ichigo refuses to stand up, even though he wants to beat Shinji himself. After all, his hand is busy with something else.

_

**.end**


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